Things I Can’t Discuss with my Real Estate Agent
- I know we’re a young childless couple, but we’re looking for three bedrooms. Unless there’s a decent basement. Then two will do.
- You see, we need a master bedroom, an office, and a home dungeon.
- We’re very specific about this space being available to convert into a sex dungeon. No, we’re not kidding.
- We need to install a new door knob to that bedroom, which locks from the outside with a key only we have copies to.
- Insulation is important to us, partly because I won’t be paying much for heat but partly because of city noise ordinances.
- A finished or semi-finished basement would be nice if the third bedroom isn’t available. I can get down with the industrial slave-type dungeon.
- I’ll possibly paint the dungeon black. That won’t be a problem until we have to sell, right?
- The back yard should be as private as possible because I’ll be peeing in it more often than the average homeowner.
- My partner has graciously allowed me to design the bathrooms to correspond with both sides of my personality. The themes will be mermaid and serial killer. I am completely serious.
- We prefer not to be right next to a church because the temptation to fornicate against the back walls would be stronger than the force of god.
- An attic isn’t required, but it’s a bonus as it gives me a fun place to practice witchcraft and do recreational drugs.
- Is having a bedroom strictly for the cats out of our budget?
(via submissivefeminist)
